There's this great little spot by my old high school, right across an ice cream shack, on the most crooked street this town could ever shit out. It's called Hot Dog Heaven. I pulled in its tiny parking lot today with my brother. Balled-up dollar bills in hand, we ascended its steps and as we're nearing the entrance, I notice an elderly man and what seemed to be his niece/granddaughter behind us. Deciding to let them go ahead and hold the door open for them, I turn fully and see that the old man had a giant bulge portruding from the general crotch area (he was wearing aqua-green sweatpants that weren't exactly appropriate gym attire).

Two seconds later, I realize two things:
1. Oh my god. I am checking out a geriatric member of society.
2. And oh my god. His niece/granddaugter knows it.

What does one do in this situation? I was mortified as all hell. A nun couldn't have chastised me worse. I just looked away as nonchalantly as I could, like perhaps I had just noticed what a becoming shade the sweatpants were on the man.

And how he had the balls to wear it.