The year of 2003 was the year of losses. You name it, I lost it. Everything from my student ID, eleven pairs of underwear, a friend, and a big bar of chocolate.
That's why I'm trying a new tactic this new year. It's called Reverse-Positive Thinking. I've been Positive Thinking the whole time, and look where it got me.

So now, I'm thinking I'm going to be my family's black sheep. I'm going to bring shame and embarassment to them, and at family get-togethers, no one will want to look me in the eye because I am 'tainted.' I'm going to screw health and calisthenics and eat a box of donuts everyday. Cholesterol be damned. I'm going to not only drink more wine, I'm going to start downing painkillers with it too. When I'm not drunk, I'll be high. And I'm never going to sleep: I'll be open 24/7, like the local 7/11. This year, I'm not going to learn anything new. I'm going to be closed-minded and shun people and their ideas. I'm going to say Fuck you to love and take up graffiti as a hobby. I'm going to start with cars and black spray paint, and move on to classroom walls, and eventually, my grand opus will be the football field and a lawnmower. I'm going to run everywhere with scissors and sit really, really close to the T.V.

And all the while, I'm going to think that 2004 is the year I will finally get skin cancer and die. To further this process, I'm going to fake tan, and not that Mystic Tan bullshit. I'm going to fake tan with my eyes open too, I might as well because I'm legally blind.

Finally, I am going to cut my hair very, very short and start listening to more country music. The year 2004 is the year I will reclaim 'Patty.'

Yes, this year is going to be much more different, I can feel it already.