MORE F's AND PH's THAN YOU CAN HANDLE

Flipping through spring break pictures from four years ago, I realize something: I miss hanging out with Filipino folks. I don't mean to sound ridiculous or anything. For the most part, I don't even enjoy hanging out with Filipino-Am kids my age (*I say Filipino-Am because the last Filipino kid--meaning born in the Philippines--I met was Harold in the middle school) I don't want to make a sweeping generalization, but the kids I've been exposed to always talk about the biggest malls or the new Big Tymers video. They all seem really nice up front, they will be polite and chit-chat with you, but you just know that they're talking about how tight your shirt is or how your lipstick's too bright when your back is turned. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say this happens in all cultures, but for some reason, I notice it more with Filipinos. Probably because I am one. Faults seem more glaringly obvious when it's your own.

And how weird would it be if I went back to the Philippines right now? Would I be some kind of an outcast? Or would I be treated like a rock star because I live in America? I don't even know anymore, I don't remember the social protocols. Sadly, it's now foreign; both the country and the culture.

A few days back, I found this web site. I just had to recite some of the Tagalog poetry out loud, to see if I still could understand it ... well, of course I stumbled on a few words, but I still got the gist of it. If only I could have more practice ... but even my mother would be confused if I started greeting her with Kamusta ka? instead of How are you?.

Sometimes I don't even know where to call home.