Pants are on fire

Before I cart myself off to sleep in a vain attempt at a "beauty rest", here are a couple random things that I thought about today:

1. I was watching MTV's Battle of the Sexes (yes, I admit, reality shows are a guilty pleasure of mine. Plus a whopping 90% of the male contigent is h-o-t-t!) when I noticed that one of the girls had a considerable bulge on her tummy. I thought, that's so refreshing to see, someone who's not sucked in and carved out like a papaya or something. And then I find out that the girl is PREGNANT. I don't know what trimester she's in, but if there's a considerable bulge showing, I'm betting that she's well on her way. I was glad when she was voted off because she is WITH CHILD. They were in the Bahamas, where it gets really hot and it's a "Battle". What, did she think she was going to get an alternative Lamaze class out of this?

2. There were errands to do (mainly of the "finally-buy-that-coat-you've-been-drooling-at-for-days" variety), but I sneaked into the St. Mary's church uptown. It was quiet and serene and it was at least seventy degrees. The ceiling fans whirred and the church was dark and empty. I sat in a pew and stewed for a while. I thought about a lot of things, but mostly I just enjoyed being there. It was comforting and it felt like (and I hate to use this cliche, but it is needed) coming home. I said a quick prayer and then left. It amazed me to find out that I had been in there for over half an hour. Time flies when you're in the house of God, I guess.

3. Sally Albright, your boyfriend was right in dumping your ass. You lied about the days of the week underwear... they soo make Sunday. I know because I own one. If you were wearing any, I bet your days-of-the-week underpants are on fire right now.

4. All I ever wanted was to learn how to play "Fur Elise" on the piano. You know? I'd sit on the bench, crack my knuckles, poised before the keys, before I started its heartfelt rendition. And then on the part where it goes "du-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-DUN", I would tilt my head just so. I, of course, would only be five and therefore a prodigy. But, hey, I can do the Running Man and speak three languages!

... boy, that never gets old.