|just the faces change| There's this knot in my stomach that results from staring at the phone, replaying the conversation that hasn't even happened, in my head over and over and over again. I am so inept with talking on the phone that I have to write down what I have to say and even practice a few lines. Most of the time, I work up the nerve to press the pre-set number, and then I think, well what if that person's not there and then I get their answermachine? What would I say then? -- and I panic and I press No.
Today, I shouldn't have an excuse not to call, because I've put this off far too long. I'm nauseous and chilly (and that's not just because of the weather).
There are a few instances when I enjoy phone conversations, this usually only occurs when I feel comfortable with the person and when I actually have something to talk about. Something good.
Well what I'm about to say...is not so good. I should just buck up, swallow this wave of krispy chocolate that threatens to come up, and call her up. I think I've blown this way out of proportion, but I hate to say, I have a knack for these things. I get 'vibes', and I know that the outcome of dialing this ten-digit-number will not be as optimistic as I'm feeling about the upcoming days ... there was weight released off my shoulders last night when I finally decided, and now I'm just waiting for that feeling to happen again after I call...considering that I do call.