|they call me mellow yellow| Whoo. Lots of stuff I need to get off my chest. I'm holding in so many things that my throat is starting to hurt and I'm feeling too warm for this room. My mouth still tastes of spaghetti and meatballs and my hair is still pulled back in the same style as it was thirteen hours ago. And still I can't manage to break through this wall of denial that I've built up.
In the last couple of hours though, recent events had managed to bulldoze its way through to my thick, meat-headed skull. So now I'm left with cleaning up the broken pieces, and my best - and only - method seems to be sweeping it all under the rug. So to speak.
A couple of the recent events:

a) Mich is, after all, not coming to spend summer with me. I wrote a detailed blog on that a few weeks ago, but since I have yet to learn to archive on my own, you'll just have to trust me on this one: I was feeling skeptical of her coming, but on the whole I was optimistic. Now I just feel downright selfish and shitty for even having my doubts in the first place.
b) Reason for her not coming: she is being deployed somewhere overseas for a chunk of the summer. She can't say. It's classified. But she comforts me by saying the government blows everything out of proportion, to get support for what they're doing over there. I'm still praying, Mich.
c) I've decided to go to Florida. I didn't want to say, "Oh by the way, I'm bailing out of the trip" right after what she told me. I'd feel like mega-turd. This means, however, that the chances of going to the Yorn have been shot down.
c) Another reason to feel selfish and shitty: now that I've made up my mind to go on this vacation, the 'rents have reminded me that I still am working for them, and that out in the real world, someone who takes off a week without formally informing the boss would be fired. Or something like that. Basically, they're making me feel bad for going on this trip, and I've been told that if I do this again I'm going to be out on my ass and looking for another job.

This is all too much to deal with on one night. Heavy servings of hot chocolate and repeated viewings of wayne's world and bridget jones' diary coming up.